


Logistics

by orphan_account



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Embarrassment, Humor, Urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 01:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19240771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Doctor learns that, unfortunately, not all species in the universe use toilets. Nor have them.





	Logistics

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Party Predicament](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16872747) by [SucculentStrawberries](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SucculentStrawberries/pseuds/SucculentStrawberries). 



> Prequel to the above-mentioned fic.

The Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS onto the surprisingly steady ground of a large golden cloud. At the east end of the cloud was a series of golden Pegasus-driven chariots. He stepped in and found himself being flown towards his invitee’s home. He was visiting his old Academy pen pal, Churwagjhlsnop, for his 215th birthday. On the way, he briefly remembered hat it had been just a few hours short of 3 days since he last used the loo. He quickly dismissed all worry, as he felt no signs of needing to pee yet, and figured he could just go at the party later.

 

The buffet was extravagant. Almost every form of nibbles, cupcake, jelly, or salty snack you could want to eat. The Doctor stacked his plate with chicken wings, orange marmalade and miniature banana bread, washing it down with some delicious punch. After his third glass of punch, he felt his bladder tingle. The 3-day count was up. He approached a waiter, asking for directions to the toilet. 

  
“The what?” the waiter replied, confused. The Doctor frowned, equally confused. He walked back to his friend, wobbling happily in the midst of a conversation. 

  
“Oh, there you are. I thought you were getting more punch?” Churwagjhlsnop asked, noticing the goblet no longer in the Doctor’s hand. 

 

“Yeah, about that. Where’s the loo?” he asked Churwagjhlsnop discreetly. 

  
“The what?”

 

“The toilet,” the Doctor explained. 

 

“What’s that?” he replied, still not understanding. 

 

“Where do you go to relieve yourself?” the Doctor asked. 

 

“Nowhere. I’m relieving myself right now,” Churwagjhlsnop stated with a laugh, turning his literally, gelatinous body to emphasise the gaseous bubbling inside his back.

  
“Oh, so you relieve yourself through internally filtrated gas,” the Doctor remarked, realizing how his fellow guests’ bodies worked. Churwagjhlsnop nodded. 

 

“Ooh..,” he muttered to himself, as it dawned on him: If the indigenous species don’t release waste out of themselves, and don’t get any tourists, then it meant..there was no toilets.

 

“Do you need somewhere specific to relieve  _ yourself _ ?” Churwagjhlsnop asked, remembering the Doctor’s original question. 

 

“Yes, I do. Time Lords have a  _ quite _ different system for excretion, long story..I’ll be fine,” The Doctor answered quickly, walking away in order to gain the privacy to think about the ramifications of these bad news. He decided to just try and power through for a while longer. Not before finishing his goblet of punch, though, without a second thought..

 

About half an hour later, the fullness in the Doctor’s bladder had made him need to jiggle his legs. He resolved to find a way to empty his bladder right away. He snuck sneakily out of the party to find his TARDIS, before realizing it was parked on a cloud, and the chariots were gone. Looking around, the Doctor spotted a small patch of the bright red grass which was covered by shade. It was hidden behind a sticky-out part of the castle, where the party was held. He ran over to the wall, unzipped and proceeded to  _ go _ on the grass. He sighed in relief. As he finished, he absentmindedly noticed that his blue urine had turned a spot of the grass a shining shade of pink, almost like cotton candy. The Doctor focused on zipping up and checking for onlookers, rather than worry about the environmental impacts. He was soon approached by a middle-aged looking couple who had apparently seen his act of urination. 

 

“Were you relieving yourself?” the male “blob” asked with appalled curiosity. 

 

“Er, yes. I’m so sorry, bit of an emergency. You, unfortunately, don’t have the proper  _ facilities _ I needed,” The Doctor admitted with an awkward smile. 

 

“So, ‘Time Lords’ relieve themselves in a particular room then?” the man asked Doctor, getting intrigued by this biology lesson.

 

“Yes. Either liquid or solid waste. Occasionally gas, which does  _ not _ require a room, though my human friends would probably disagree with that,” the Doctor explained, and joked, aware of how his companions felt about the smell of Time Lord  **flatulence** . 

 

“I see. Fascinating,” the male creature remarked, starting to walk away. 

  
“Just don’t do that outside again, okay?” the blob’s wife gently requested of the Doctor, scoffing before snickering with her husband at the  toilet humour . The Doctor nodded at them assuringly, walking back into the party. 

 

“I hear you found something better than our room to relieve yourself. The grass!” Churwagjhlsnop exclaimed with a laugh, calling the Doctor over. He rolled his eyes at the knowledge that his friend had heard of the  _ incident. _

  
“Yes, I’m so sorry, Chur. Told you I needed to go, you didn’t provide a better option,” the Doctor apologized with a shrug. His friend dismissed him with a forgiving wave, followed by raucous laughter. The rest of the party consisted mainly, of repeated biology questions, accompanied by the rampant blushing, of a  _ highly  _ embarrassed Time Lord.


End file.
